Gentle | Grounded | Growth

In Mo Willems’ beloved children’s book I’m Invited to a Party!, Piggie and Gerald the Elephant face a high-stakes dilemma. They’ve been invited to a party, but they have no idea what kind of party it is. Without a theme, they have no idea how to dress.

Should they wear formal attire for a fancy gala? Swimsuits for a pool party? Costumes for a masquerade? To be safe, they decide to wear it all at once. They end up in a hilarious, bulky mess of flippers, top hats, and masks. Gerald, acting as the self-appointed “expert,” insists they must be prepared for every possible scenario.

As I sat reading this with my kids, the metaphor hit me: Grief is the party we never asked to attend, and we rarely know how to “dress” for it.

When loss thrusts us into this unwanted event, we struggle with our emotional wardrobe. Do we suit up in a blazer of strength? Strip down to the raw vulnerability of a swimsuit? Or do we try to hide behind a costume of “I’m fine”?

If you are currently standing in front of the metaphorical closet of your life, here is some advice for navigating the heavy layers of loss.

1. Give Yourself Permission to “Wear” the Feeling

We often feel pressured to rush through the uncomfortable parts of mourning, but grief isn’t just “all in your head.” It is a physical and neurological experience.

When you lose someone or something integral to your life, your brain is forced to relearn how to navigate a world that has fundamentally changed. This “re-mapping” can leave you feeling foggy, exhausted, and unrecognizable to yourself. Acknowledge that the heavy coat you’re wearing today isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a biological response to a profound transition.

2. Normalize the “Grief Waves”

In the book, Piggie and Gerald switch outfits rapidly as their expectations shift. Real grief is equally unpredictable. You might feel steady one moment, only to be submerged by a sudden surge of emotion – a Grief Wave.

These aren’t setbacks or signs that you’re “failing” at healing; they are natural pulses of the process. Just as a physical wave eventually recedes, these surges will too, provided you allow yourself to ride them out rather than fighting the tide. To manage the intensity, consider:

• Finding a “Witness”: Someone who can sit with you in the wave without trying to “fix” it.
• Grief-Informed Movement: Classes like restorative yoga can help process the physical tension of loss.
• Support Groups: Surrounding yourself with others who recognize the “outfit” you’re wearing can provide immense relief.

3. Rebuilding Your Identity (Meaning Reconstruction)

Healing isn’t about “getting over” a loss. Loss shatters our worldview. Healing is the act of picking up those jagged pieces and deciding how they fit together now.

It is okay if your life looks different. You are allowed to decide what your “new normal” looks like, even if it feels as mismatched as Gerald’s flippers and top hat at first. Give yourself the grace to make mistakes, change your mind, and try on new versions of yourself.

There Are No True Experts

In the book, Gerald proclaims himself the expert, yet he is just as lost as Piggie. In the real world, there are no true experts on your specific grief.

In a society that demands we “move on” or “find closure,” your greatest power is your autonomy. You are allowed to set the pace. When we rush the timeline or pretend to be okay, we often skyrocket our own anxiety. It is natural to yearn for what was lost, to bargain with the past, or to struggle with the reality of the present. This is simply your body and soul learning to adapt.

Showing Up as You Are

There is no “appropriate” way to dress for grief. Some days it will feel like a heavy winter coat; other days, it might feel like a scratchy sweater you can’t wait to tear off.

The key is to stop worrying if you’re doing it “right” and start acknowledging that you are simply doing it. You’ve been invited – you don’t need the perfect outfit to show up.